When I see Red

With expectations and hopes, there're bound to be disappointments.

On the apparel, I told everyone that we are going with the flow, when the time come, we will be granted with offspring... It's not a matter of we want or we don't, even thou, yes, it is a decision factor of the latter, contraception is the key.

Internally, I'm in fact fighting and struggling the excitement from the waiting (the suspense can kill), and disappointments, the high hopes and the crashes when the red river flows, perhaps also the fear that arose from stories and hear say. Am I infertile? Is it genetic or is it the pills that I took earlier?

Well, even if it takes 2 to clap, others would hardly believe or conclude that the fault lies in the masculine factor, it has always been the female's fault, by default. Aww...

Anyway, at the same time, contradictorily, I'm also wondering if I have the ability of a mother and us as parents. His age factor was my concern too. I was told it comes naturally, and I hope it really do.

Till then, I will just have to
1) lie to myself that it doesn't matter. We will just wait and enjoy ourselves meanwhile.