Old photos, old memories, new feelings.

This Friday, we spent time looking thru old photos. Time where everyone was around, time where everyone looked happy, smiled like a family, closed like one.

I can't help feeling the loss, of a loved one. In fact, two. Two impt members of the family, the once closely knitted family. There was a reason for everyone to gather, there were festivals, there were love. Now, I'm not quite sure, well, we lost the spirit at least. Festivals no longer feel like it, yes, we still gather but more of fomality. There's a certain tension btw we know who, you cant blame us. We only see each other less than 10 times a year.

I made a promise to my granny and I held my promise always, unless i'm bed ridden, else rain or shine, I will visit my aunt weekly. I hold on to my promise stubbornly cause this is probably the only one that I can manage to uphold. No one shall stand in my way, after all, it's the only time I unwind, a home I can fall on to, where I take off my mask and freely be me, where I can be ugly and still loved, where I can be like an angel.

I pray, I prayed to God, for God to hear my prayers, Please DON'T DON'T ever take anyone away from me again. There is so much I can take it, the fear, the loss, for 3 years have not leave me for one single day. If there is a need for someone to go, may that be me. My dear family, forgive me for my selfishness in this.

Last note, for others, a family may only consist of dad, mum and siblings. I'm glad to announce to all that MY FAMILY consists of all, grandparent, dad, mum, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, closely knitted as once, thou we may drift now, but we will always be one, and this is something that I will always be proud of.

I may have pimples, poor skin, fat figure, lousy hair, but I have love that not many possess, love from a wonderful family.

Looking back, I regretted my life has turned out this way, it was all rosy and nice, why did I let it turn out this way. Thou it's almost impossible but I wish I could turn back time, I promise, I will live life better this time. Even if not so, pls let me have just one more time, one more hug from granny, just one, please. I would willingly give up 10 years of my life for just that one more hug, the photos and memories hurt me, it's so much that you needed to feel the person, the warmth, the touch, just once more.