We were having the bread party at 12midnight! haha.. everyone was eating bread, dad's with peanut butter, mum's with jam, sis and mine with pasta sauce!
Seldom would we have the chance to hang ard like that in peace. Most of the time: doors were shut, mother and daughter were yelling, husband and wife bickering, daughters quarrelling, parents naggin...
Out of the blue, dad said... "找一天每个人没有作工，不用上学，坐在一起这样讲话多么好"
I jokingly asked him if he really had so much to say...
But in my heart, I understood his words, the true meaning behind the laughter. Dad is a family oriented person, he treasures being able to do something for us, thus no matter how tired he is, he still insists to be there for us, fetch us to work, fetch us home, iron our clothes, etc, etc...
He can be fierce and unreasonable at times, but who won't? I have no doubt in giving up my life for him, after all, he spent the last 20plus yrs for us. I felt so ashamed of myself, unable to provide for them. Seeing them slogging hard for money, still, at this age, breaks my heart.
Sometimes, I can't help but succumb to the fear of life and death. I can't afford or bear the pain. It's too much to lose, even worst than dying. Why must our lives be limited by yrs, tenth of yrs and not hundredth or thousandth? Why must there be love if separation is deemed to pull us apart? Why can't there be forever and yet created this word? What is the purpose of this word when nothin could be forever?
Please. Please dun take anyone from me. Please. If you insist, take me, cause it won't make a difference.
i agree with what you sayy.
ReplyDeleteif someone must be taken away.. i rather it will be me.. the most useless one in the familyy.. im still the negative property in the house.. at least u and mum and dad are providing for the family in a way or another.. im still spending and living off this family.. with rare occasions of giving moneyy.. lets find a day when all of us no work and no school.. we have steamboat at home or somethingg..