The downside of love

Unhappy. Very.

How much I envy of others with long weekends, dun get me wrong, I have the equivalent time too, minus the relaxation and enjoyment. Perhaps some may choose to travel, some may lie on a beach watching time go by, some may fly a kite, some may go for a swim or perhaps a walk. Me? 3 days of staying home, nothing meaningful, feel like a total waste of time. Time feels short, thou it's a good 3 days worth.

I wanted to go out too. Wanted to go under the sun, wanted to do some exercise (my body feels so stiff :( ), but there's nothing I can do, other than wait wait and wait. Another one whole month to go, perhaps when you're done, I'll be gone. I can choose, why not, i can choose to be selfish, wake you up in the morning regardless you have rested enough or not, ask you to go out with me regardless if you have studied or not, ask you to choose to stay in base regardless you like it or not, but I cant bring myself to do it, if I do, what difference do I make comparing to her or to woman I despise.

I guess this happens when your brain does NOT align with your heart. I want to get out. I want sunlight. I want fun.

A difficult choice

Facing the difficult cross road again. I resigned from my current position and tonnes of problems slapped me in the face. Am I happier now? I doubt my answer, but I can't bring myself to work in that horrified place again, ever.

To make a choice for teaching or the management support position that were offered: it bothers me, alot. One wrong move and that's it. Lesser risk: Management support, Higher risk: Teach. One is of which I have been doing and yet tired of doing, the other is what I have been thinking of doing and yet now in a dillema, afterall doing and thinking of doing is a very different issue. Will I make it? I guess most imptly, I dun know what I really want.

I am not a person who sees far, perhaps tmrl or next week is the furthest.

I can't help but kept asking around for what's the best. Hoping someone could decide that for me. Most said less stressful = MSO, more meaningful = teaching. To me, well, that wasn't the answer.

I knew he wanted me to teach, I could see his expression when he said I already chose the management support position. Yet, I know whatever decision I make, he will be behind me, supporting me.

i'm worried... what if the letter never comes and I have already rejected the MSO position? Ah.. I hate that. Can the relevant authority act just abit faster?

hmmm....

Bliss

3 months from my last post...

Then I was single and available. Now? I'm happily engaged.

I simply love July, how can I not? Everything just magically sits in place, like as if my fairy god mother has just waved her wand to send me the best presents she can offer - a man who loves me truly and who is willing to spend his life with me as his wife, and of course lovely gifts of love from my loved ones.

Har.. my life is all about love, love, love... Woo! How I wish that's all about it. Well, there's always a small little devil right at the back of my mind, reminding me of the cruel reality, the dollar sign $$$. With marriage plans in the air, it's all about money. There's just so much to do that we have no idea where to start. I wanted something simple, it has all along to me, an affair for two. But apparently, it isn't so. Parents' feelings come into place, a bit and way too often. How I wish one day I can live carefreely my own dream and my own decision. How did others do it, I wonder? How did they threw everything behind and flew to another home for good? Is there nothing that kept them back or there is just more to look forward to? Is it time that I lead my life? But it boils down to love, if my life is about love... I love my daddy too.. I would like to stay, at least close, within the proximity to know that he's safe and happy, I can't care less, afterall, he is a man who chose to spend his life and time on this family, his wife and his daughters. A man whom my granny have asked for me to look after and I will, even at the cost of my life.

Well, my love, we will work something out like we always did, won't we? Something that everyone is truly happy with.

Yeah, for now, I'm blissful!